What Does It Mean to "Give it to God"?

Just wanted to let every one know that I am still here and still doing all I know to do, physically, to continue on this journey.  It's the spiritual part that I am having problems with...the letting God have control and show me what to do.

You see, I know there are many ways and many different "eating" plans and "exercise" plans that one can use to lose weight.  I just have to find the right plan for me.  I know there are many people who have succeeded in losing a lot of weight, and if you ask them how they did it, it is always different.  So, no one way is right or wrong, it's just whatever works for you.  I am still working on which plan will work for me, but I do know, it has to be something I can do for the rest of my life.

I know there are some things that I have to just "DO IT", and there are other things...spiritual things...that I have to learn not to try so hard and just give it to God.  There is an older lady at our church who has lost a lot of weight...over 200 pounds, I think she said.  She comes to me every time she sees me at church...sometimes she says I am running from her...but really I'm not!  But she does get on to me really hard! LOL

She keeps telling me, "Until you give it over to God, you will not lose the weight".  I keep telling her, "I know, I'm trying to do that".  And she says, "NO! NO! Stop trying!  Just give it to Him!"

So, my question is this.  What exactly does that look like?  HOW exactly do you do that?  I mean, I really am trying, but does it mean I stop trying so hard?  I mean, I still have to actually DO some things to make it happen, I can't just expect God to just make my weight go down!  So, what does it really mean, to give it to God?

Disappointment

When I started this blog, I said I was going to be as open and honest as I know how, because, I want to capture what thoughts and feelings take place in not only my own journey to health and freedom from obesity, but hopefully let people see into the thoughts and struggles of someone who is obese and trying to lose weight.

Well, I'm not going to lie here...I am very frustrated and disappointed this morning!  I have read, and I know that we shouldn't let the number on the scale dictate how we feel, but come on...the second week into this journey, I should be seeing really good results than what are happening!  Last week I lost only 1.5 pounds.  This week I gained that 1.5 pounds back!  Most really heavy people when they start a weight loss program they lose like 3, 4, even 5 pounds in the first week, and they usually lose lots of weight in the first few weeks, because let's face it...the bigger you are, the easier it is to lose weight.  Well, not me!  I mean, yes, I have gone over a few days on my calories, but I have also kept the habit up of getting up first thing in the morning, spending time with God and exercising.  You would think that it would make some difference.

I have been reading the "Power Thoughts" Book by Joyce Meyer, and week one was the Philippians 4:13 scripture: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  And reading ahead for next week, the power thought is "God loves me unconditionally".  One thing I read this week, as I was reading ahead in this chapter, was that we often ask the question..."What is wrong with me?"...throughout our lives, and Joyce was saying this in the book that this is a common question that the enemy puts in our minds that we are not what we need to be and to prevent us from enjoying ourselves and not seeing who God sees us as.

Well, honestly, I actually said that this morning!  I actually asked myself, "What is wrong with me?!  Why can't I lose weight?  Why do I have to work so hard, only to see the scale go up instead of down?  I mean, hear I am, God, I am trying my hardest to give this all to you.  Why?"

I'm sorry, I am being totally honest here.  I just don't understand.  Yes, I wanted to just give up and just eat whatever I want to eat today, but I'm not going to.  Yes, I am very disappointed.  But, I just know if I keep persevering something good has got to happen.  I just have to believe that God is trying to teach me something here.  I really am trying to give this all to Him.  I know that without Him I can't do anything.

So, sorry if this blog is not very positive, but it is what it is.  It is real, and that is what this blog is supposed to be about.

One Week Down!

Well, I did it!  I actually stayed on course for one week!  I tracked everything I put into my mouth using my "My Fitness Pal" app.  I find it is easier to use than the "SparkPeople Food Tracker".  Sunday is my free day, my day that I can eat what I want, but even so it was my free day, I still tracked everything I ate...and it wasn't pretty!  Not that I ate a lot, because I didn't, but it was what I ate.  We went to Chili's for my daughter's 14th birthday, because she wanted to get one of those Chocolate Molten Cakes that just ooze out like a volcano...yummmm!  I only had 3 bites, but I tracked it on my app as an 1/8 serving.  Do you know how many calories is on one of those things?!  1,280 calories!!!!  Geeez!  And on top of that, Instead of getting something healthier, I ordered my favorite...the Chipotle Chicken and Southwestern Egg Rolls.  I won't even tell you how many calories is in that!  Well, I didn't eat it all, at least in that sitting...I took the left overs home and ate them for supper, so yes, I did eat the whole thing in a days time.

So, that's my confession.  But like I said, I did track everything I ate, and on top of that, even though I allow myself to drink anything on my free day, I did not get a coke.  So it has been since 8 days today that I have not had one.  I just think right now I need to not allow myself one, because I think it would just make me want one more this week, and it is already hard enough to get right back on track today.

But I did accomplish something this week.  I not only tracked everything I ate for an entire week, but I actually stayed under my calorie range on Saturday!  And that was being out all day with my daughter shopping for clothes for her birthday, as that is what she wanted me to get her.  I am very proud of myself for that accomplishment because weekends have always been my downfall.  It's the routine thing that gets me off track.  I get up later, and I just don't want to do what I normally do on the weekdays.  But Saturday, even though I slept in till 9:30 I went ahead and started the day off like a weekday.  I did my "God Habit"...talked to Him first thing, than got on the bike and rode for 20 minutes, instead of 30. Than I ate a banana, got ready and ate a sandwich for lunch before we left...that way, we would only have to eat out once that day.  Both Rebekah and I got a kid's meal at a Japanese Noodles place in the mall....it was noodles and Orange Chicken...we only ate half of the kid's meal!  We were both full!  I guess we should have shared one kid's meal, huh? LOL

So, enough about boring you all with what I ate.  Spiritually I am hopeful.  Although right now, as I am writing this, I am wanting chocolate, or something sweet and it is about the time I would normally get something out of the vending machine...I am instead writing this post.  So, yes, I am hopeful that this time around I will really succeed at this weight loss thing.  I know week two will be tougher, it always is, but if I can just get through the hump, and allow God to speak to me and help me to do this, I know I can.  Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me"!

Casting Down Imaginations

This morning as I was exercising on the bike and reading the "Power Thoughts" book, the chapter I read was  talking about how powerful are thoughts are.  If we think negative, than most likely our outcome and circumstances will become negative.  But if we think positive, just think of how our circumstances and even our desire to be healthy will turn out!  We have the power, through the Holy Spirit to train our thoughts to think on good positive things and not on the bad and negative things.

You see, this is a very timely message for me. I have been reading and listening to a lot of scriptures and messages about our minds and how the enemy, satan, works to try to take hold of many areas in our lives, by telling us lies.  He wants nothing more but to destroy and to kill us!  These are strongholds that he has created in our mind, and unless we learn how to renew our minds by speaking the word of God out loud, and begin believing the word of God, we will continue on living a defeated life...A life of disobedience, because believe it or not, when we let the flesh win out over the spirit, we are disobeying God...because we are not trusting Him in all areas of our lives. We are fighting something far greater than our flesh...we are fighting against the principalities of darkness. But we have the power to fight against these strongholds in our mind!

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 says "(For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)  Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ:"

We must bring our thoughts into captivity.  When the enemy tries to get us to believe these lies, that we will always be fat, we don't have the courage of discipline to change, we aren't good enough or worth it to change or be healthy...on and on and on...we HAVE to say NO!  That is not what God says!  God wants us healthy.  God wants us living an abundant life.  Because when we are healthy we can accomplish so much more for Him than when we are fat, un-healthy, tired all the time, no energy, defeated, no hope...I could name many more ways that obese people probably think about themselves.

I very good friend of mine shared this scripture with we several weeks ago, and it has really spoken to me.  It is in Proverbs 3:5-12 (MSG)
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own.  Listen to God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track.  Don't assume that you know it all.  Run to God! Run from evil!  Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!  Honor God with everything you own; give him the the first and the best.  Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over.  But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction.  It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.

God loves us!  He wants us to succeed.  He wants us to be healthy.  He wants us to live an abundant life!

Creating Good Habits

Starting this past Monday, June 3rd, I have been working on small, achievable goals and trying to create good habits, instead of concentrating on all my bad habits and all the areas that I need to change in.  I recently read a book written by Joyce Meyer, entitled:  Making Good Habits, Breaking Bad Habits.  It has really been an eye opener to me.  The very first habit she suggests that you try to create is the one called, "THE GOD HABIT".  That is a very important one, because all the great men and women of God know how important it is to spend time with God in both prayer and reading His word.  And if I am going to succeed on this journey of losing weight with God, than I need to spend some time with Him the very first thing in the morning.  This also helps me to create a habit, and something I can feel like I have accomplished.

You see, the reason this is so important to me, is that I am a procrastinator.  For example...I had planned on posting a blog every day starting June 1.  But as you can see, that didn't happen.  I actually have been working on the look and design of the blog, longer than spending the time posing a blog! Haha.  That brings me to another one of my down falls when it comes to losing weight.  I am a perfectionist.  If everything isn't just perfect, I would rather just not do it, or finish it until it is perfect.  But we all know, if you have been trying to lose weight for any length of time, that no one is perfect.  And not only that, we will not be perfect on our eating or exercise every day of our life.  So give yourself a break sometimes, when you mess up or go over your calories one day or meal, just do better the next time.  This is what I am telling myself to do.

Each day my goal is to first talk to God a few minutes, to ask Him for help and guidance in what I eat and what I do that day.  I am trying to focus more on Him instead of the program, or the plan, or even the food.  Yes, I know there has to be some planning involved with what we eat, but being a procrastinator that sometimes is hard to make myself do.  That is why I am focusing right now on creating good habits, because those good habits will eventually lead to success on this journey.

One thing I wanted to have done before I started was to create a vision board or collage to give me motivation and encourage me each time I look at it.  But, I haven't made one yet. :(  I will try and get that done soon.  But I will leave you with an inspirational quote:

Introduction

My name is Barbara and I am medically termed as morbidly obese.  I do not see myself as that way...yes, I do see myself as fat, but morbidly obese just sounds ugly and gross.  My highest weight reached 302 pounds, but I am now at 293.  I have pretty much hovered in the 290's and even at one time reached the 280's, but sadly I have not really ever gotten past that mark.

This is my first blog post about my weight loss journey with God.  This is not my first blog post I have ever written, mind you, as I have been a member of Sparkpeople ( a free website that gives you support in losing weight), for a little over 5 years now, and have written many blogs about my journey of losing weight.  I have not had much success though, as I was always trying to do it by myself, and not really letting God help me, as I should have.  Don't get me wrong, I have had many friends on Sparkpeople, (and still do), and even have support from friends at church and my family, but I have not really given this all over to God.

This is where this blog comes in.  I have always been inspired by reading success stories of people who have lost a lot of weight and kept it off.  They were, and are people just like me...who at one time, never dreamed in a million years that they could actually lose the weight and do the things they are doing now.  I have often wondered, and even dreamed of becoming one of those success stories.  I recently have stumbled upon another weight loss blog of another Sparkpeople member, who has really inspired me.  I do not know her, she does not know me, and even doesn't know just how much she has inspired me.  She has lost over 130 pounds so far and her blog is called "The Singing Bird".

Now I have read many weight loss blogs that were inspiring and even insightful as to how they succeeded...but I have never found one that started blogging from the very beginning of the journey, exposing their thoughts and feelings, so that I could understand what they felt and how they must have struggled in the very beginning.  We all know, that first step is always the hardest to take.  So, this is why I thought, hmmmm....what if I just put this out there...what if I started blogging from the very beginning...from the uncertainties, the fear, and the feelings of what an obese person would go through at the beginning.  This way, I will be able to go back and see from where I started to where I am and to where I will be once I reach my goal.

Now, this journey will not only be a physical journey, but also a spiritual one.  And it will be a journey that will be lead by the one and only true God, my savior and redeemer.  So, if you are offended by that and do not believe in the one true God, this will not be a blog for you!  I am going to learn to lean and trust on Him.  He will be my guide on this journey.  Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:2 KJV)

I am believing that I actually have it in me to succeed.  How about you?  Do you feel like one of those success stories trying to get out of where you are?